My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
