I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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