i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize