Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
home. puking in laundry basket.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
