I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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