Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
