New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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