Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
