bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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