How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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