Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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