i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
