I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you win again, gameday.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
