Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
