Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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