i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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