What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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