Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
