wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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