You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
