i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
