This is not my ceiling
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
