Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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