Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
