Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
