im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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