umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
