Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
