So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
