Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
