the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
