I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
