went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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