My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
