Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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