im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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