I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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