Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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