Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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