Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
