Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
