You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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