Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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