I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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