Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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