isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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