You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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