i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Houston, we have a blender
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
