I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
