we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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