We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
