You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
