Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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