Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
