I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
