i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
