their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
