Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
