ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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