Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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