How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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