I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
