question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
