Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
