Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
