i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
