I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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